I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
