Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
