I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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