im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
