3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
