your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
