Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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