But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
