So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
