we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
