I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
