AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
