Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
