go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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