so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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