Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
