and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
