Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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