That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
