I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Can I color on your dick again?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
