So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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