5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
