Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
