My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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