My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
