i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
