Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
