Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
