My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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