I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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