Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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