I just pynch a tree in the face
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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