covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
