When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
