after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
