I wish my penis had an off switch
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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