Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
