normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
