bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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