and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
