I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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