420 ftw
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
