last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
