some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
We smell like vodka and hangover
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
