Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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