Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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