my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
