Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
