He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm at about main and main street
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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