I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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