So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
