I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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