hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
