I need help removing her.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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