YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
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