My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
